Kevin Durant: Breaking Down The Star’s Newest Nike Commercial

Nike launched Kevin Durant’s newest commerical spot today, as well as an interview/commercial for his newest shoe — the KD VI.

Nike does it again, with a fun and unique commercial as we continue to be impressed with Durant’s improved acting ability and learn more about Durant’s humor. Not to mention, Nike is pushing a brand new hashtag #SUMMERISSERIOUS. It’s in all caps, people! Of course it’s serious!

Let’s break down the commercial by every crucial moment:

[0:01] Opening scene. Guy is on a ladder hanging something up. This is clearly a draft, taking place at 2:35 PM, thanks to the subtitle. The draft is not, however, in New York. Instead, it’s in Seat Pleasant, Maryland, a small city (just less than 3/4 of a square mile) with a population of just 4,542 people, according to a 2010 census. It looks like it takes place at a school. There are only eight schools in Seat Pleasant. So try to guess which one it is, and you will probably be right (or not far off).

Unlike the NBA draft, this draft in a seat that sure sounds like a good time, is broken up into two teams — not two rounds. The two teams? Shirts vs Skins, of course. Haven’t you ever played hoops in the park? What a dumb question. Also, the score board is on. What a waste of energy. Moving on.

[0:07] Is that… it is! ESPN’s Jay Bilas! Is he sponsored by Nike? Who are those other guys? Why is that scrub to his left hosting, it’s friggin Jay Bilas! Let him host! Anyway, Jay breaks down the top two prospects in the Shirts vs. Skins draft.

Side note: Every time you shoot for captains on the courts and you win and you spend a few seconds trying to decide who to pick first, in your head, it happens just like this. This is a big deal, after all! Who is going to help you get to 11 first? Which one of your buds best compliments your own skill set? Well, you did win the sacred shoot-for-captain pregame, so you are probably a good shooter. Do you go with a Klay Thompson-like compliment, huh, Steph? Or maybe you need a hustler/rebounder to kick the rock back to you. This is what is going through your mind. It’s just as important than the real NBA Draft. And if you don’t think so — you already lost.

[0:09] FINALLY. It’s takes nine friggin seconds to get to Durant. It is his commercial, isn’t it? Way to drop the ball, Nike! Dang. Anyway, Durant is rocking some yellow shorts with shoe laces on the side, a muted blue button down and what looks like one of these. He is rolling deep. He looks smugly at his competition as his entourage looks on. He looks confident, unlike this moment. And, hopefully for him, the night (afternoon?) doesn’t end in the same way. More on Durant’s facial impressions later.

[0:11] The competition. Antoooooooon BEAR-lllllllllolllllzzzzz.  He has a hot dog. He has some sweet tea. He’s got his dad. He’s got a tie over an under shirt. Lezgo. This is how Allen Iverson wished he dressed on his draft day.

Anton’s line? “He can’t ball, he just tall,” Barrels squeaks.

[0:19] “Have you seen my highlights?” KD responds. Notice, he is shaking his leg during this brief scene, indicating he is stil nervous about the upcoming selection. But he puts on this face, an acting job that would make even Blake Griffin proud. Shaking leg. Good facial expression. NAILED IT, DurantiCaprio.

[0:23] Que highlights. Thanks, Nike. In case, Anton hasn’t seen his highlights, he will when this commercials airs.

[0:32] But, Anton has his own highlight tape! He is playing a game against, what seems to be, Durant’s entourage. (see the guy in the grey tank? See that guy in the grey tank in the third image?) So, either Barrels goes up against Durant’s boys and films it, or, Nike ran out of casting funds and double dipped. Shame on you, Nike.

Bilas, in his incredible analysis, calls Barrels a bowling ball with a “low-center of gravity.”

Anton Barrels or fat Nate Robinson?

[0:36] Time for the pick. Shhhhhh, Barrels. Listen. While we’re here: Hey, grey shirt! Who’s side are you really on? Is he a mole that has infiltrated KD’s entourage? Or was he simply trying to get some intel on fat Nate Robinson? Either way, I don’t trust him. Do you?

[0:39] Commissioner is at the podium. We now learn that the Shirts have the first pick. Who’s it gonna be?! The suspense is killing me! It’s only been half a minute into this commercial?! Yeezus.

[0:44] Drumroll please. Who is this kid? Who is DJ, and why are his initials on this kid’s hat? AND WHY DOESN’T ANYONE IN SEAT PLEASANT WEAR SLEEVES?!

[0:46] Nervs setting in in Seat Pleasant. That’s the face of anxious, kids. Again, great acting by DurantiCaprio. Man, he sure has improved since whatever the hell this is.

[0:47] It only took 47 seconds for us to finally see the new shoes! Introducing the KD VI. This commercial is more about Durant than it is about his shoes, there is a different new commercial for that, but still weird that it took so long to see the kicks. Not Thunder colors. Sonics colors? Nice socks. Biggest thing here, they are low-cut. Often, basketball players’ shoes are offered in low-cut versions. But here, we see KD opting to rock the lows and not treat them as the loser alternate. Is KD turning into a trend setter? We’ll see. Anyway, on with this draft.

[0:54] The pick is in. Of course it’s Durant! Fat Nate Robinson can’t believe it. Durant rocks the Shirts cap. Hey, Nike, when will you start selling the Shirts vs Skins hats? You heard it here first, people. I guarantee they will start selling these. What team do you want? When do we get the retro snap backs?

[0:57] Money line! Durant is going to the podium for some reason. Fat Nate Robinson is Nate-Robinsoning. But more questions are left unanswered, specifically — what’ the deal with grey shirt?

#SUMMERISSERIOUS