Editor’s note: This is an attempt to write a awful sports column. Please enjoy it for it’s hilarity and do not any point take it seriously.
The Cavaliers need a new General Manager. The last one was, um, bad. The roster is a mess of poor fitting players and attitudes that clash. The coach seems in over his head and not making things worse. The team just lost to a 17-32 team that had six damn healthy players. This team needs direction. And quickly. It’s too simple to say this team needs to fill the position. The Cavs promoted someone from inside the organization last time they made this move, and look how Chris Grant turned out. No, we need something big. Someone who would make headlines and get the fans excited. We need…..a savior.
Luckily for the Cavs, the savior exists. There is a perfect candidate for the Cavs’ GM job just waiting to re-establish his name. He is completely free, and willing to do whatever it takes to make a bad team competitive. Judge these impressive qualifications for yourselves:
-Willing to take gambles and go against the drafting grain to attempt to find diamonds in the rough? Check.
-Experience locking up promising young players on long-term deals? Check.
-Ability to maintain flexibility if said long-term deals don’t work? Check.
-Confidence to pull the plug on a bad coach despite differing media opinions? Check.
Basically, this man has everything the Cavs need in the coming transitional offseason. I am confident that he will be the one who, if hired, will take the Cavs to places they haven’t been in years. So gaze upon your new hero, Cavaliers fans. This is the man who will lead us back to title contention.